Why i don't upload to youtube anymore

This is going to be such a ramble of a post so settle down with a drink and strap yourselves in.

The other day i put a poll out on Instagram asking you guys which post i should blog about and this one won (: if you want to vote in future polls then search @beckismith93 or just click the link iv provided for you (: you should follow me anyway i'm always very active on insta (:

I started my first YouTube channel in 2011 (All the video's are private on their) so you can't go searching for them.
I started by uploading little tv clips then turned it in to a singing channel which i loved i filmed them on a blackberry torch remember them ?
In really bad lighting as i filmed them very late at night (nothing new there) but then people from school started finding the videos and i'm pretty sure a few ''so called friends'' made up fake YouTube accounts just to post nasty comments i mean i have no proof but at that time YouTube was a safe heaven and nobody really got nasty comments so i made the video's private and said i'd never do youtube again flash forward to 2012 and i made a new channel the one iv been uploading on ever since if you've been around since them days then you will remember the first video a whats in my bag (i loved that bag so much wish i could find another)

I was gaining subscribers not as much as other channels but i was happy with how my channel was progressing i was putting videos out as and when i could which probably didn't help with trying to gain subscribers but never the less i was happy with my channel and my videos fast forward to 2017 and the whole youtube fuck up which meant it was harder and harder for small channels to get noticed and we didn't get paid anymore (not that i got paid more then £1 a month anyway lol) my views went down i used to get over 600 for a primark video and i was barely scrapping 200 views my christmas videos used to be one of my most watched but last year they tanked really bad and i know its not all about the views but lets be honest it is but i persevered until my last video which was my hamster video.


I started to hate the way i looked in videos which is really dangerous. I hated how huge i looked on camera, i hated how my hair looked i hated how fat my face looked,i just hated everything to do with youtube and filming it really was self damaging.For a while i didn't even watch my subscription feed as i just hated youtube. I have videos filmed ready to edit on my ipad but i hate how i look in them. It got to the point that i had to decide what was better for my mental health still uploading but without me in the video but then that would lead to questions on why im not in my videos anymore or just take a break which is what iv done at the moment i have no plans to come back to youtube as i dont want to go down that spiral again its very destructive and not good at all for my mental health.

I don't know what will happen to my channel or if i will come back im happy blogging i can do it from anywhere and i can look how ever i like and no-one will ever know which pleases me greatly.

For anyone who loves my primark hauls they have now turned in to blogpost's same with what i got for chrismas and whats in my stocking. I don't know what im going to do about my annual birthday vlog yet as i love filming them.

This isn't goodbye youtube its see you later

Becki x

Life Update

Because iv not posted in so long everything i write doesn't look right. I think iv put to much pressure on myself to come back with a bang so to speak. But as I'm writing this I'm realising that this is a life update it doesn't have to be all fancy so here goes. 

What have i been up to since i last posted almost 2 months ago ??

I turned another year older on the 6th February. 

Also on the 6th of Feb I got a Syrian hamster called bear who's slowly coming around to being tamed she will take treats off me and let me stroke her but that's it at the moment she is still very young i think she was about 6-8 weeks when i got her from pets at home.I'm also making her a bigger cage which i think I'm going to do both a video and a post on. 

Since getting another hamster after Cloudy passed in 2015 iv found myself watching countless hamster videos on youtube i really like Erins Animals and HammyLux 

I caught the cold bug from someone at work and my voice decided to give up which is great when you work on a checkout in retail !! 

My laptop decided that it was going to give up and not load certain things up so that is the main reason why iv not posted as iv had no means to but my brand new laptop came this morning woo !! its the HP Stream 14inch in blue and I'm in love with it (:

Iv been getting to grips with my new schedule for work and trying to figure out self scan im ok with it i just can't put the receipt paper in !! no matter how many times I'm shown i still cannot get the hang off it which is annoying.

And today Milo (my cat) put her big brave boots on and actually came in to the living room while the dog was in there (my dog and cat do not get on so this was amazing) it only lasted a few minutes as i think Blake (the dog) was jealous of me stroking Milo and went to chase her !! (he didn't get her she ran upstairs and i got his collar) but I'm so proud of Milo (: 

So that's my life update completely boring but i wanted to explain where iv been and what iv been doing (: 

Becki x 

Goodbye 2017 (A Roundup)

Iv never done a roundup of my year before i normally just post my new year resolutions and that's it but iv been seeing quite a few people doing a roundup on snapchat and instagram and a few goodbye 2017 blogpost's so i thought id combine all that and write a blogpost. 
I'll apologise now i lead a very boring life so in this round up no holidays or weekends away lol

January 

I haven't got a kind word to say about January what started of as food poisoning turned in to either a viral infection or the sickness and diarrhoea bug which then turned in to the hacking cough safe to say by the end of January i was fed up of being ill and *touch wood* i don't get ill this January. 

February


I turned another year older and had my annual birthday meal at Damon's with the family. Spent far to much money at meadowhall and basically celebrated my birthday for the whole month it was fantastic (: 

March 

Saw me and kirsty going to see Olly murs and having the best night if you'd like to see the vlog then click Here it was also the first time i had put someone other then me or Milo or Blake in a vlog which was a big deal for me. 

April 



Sheffield united finally after 6 years in league one they finally moved up to the championship very happy about the result and they have played well this year and show no signs of moving back to league one (Sorry to all you none football fans for this post) this was also the month i had horrific toothache that i moaned about on twitter (Again sorry for that to lol)

May
Nothing worth noting for may according to my facebook lol

June



This sexy album was released and it quickly became the only thing i played for about 3 months. I also third wheeled with kirsty and her boyfriend to see despicable me 3 which was a lot better then the trailer had lead me to believe. 

July 

  








After months of waiting for sky to start showing season 5 it finally came back on in July (: 

August 

Was good and bad i had way to many trips to Costa Taylor released look what you made me do I found alcohol free koppenburg which is amazing but i also didn't get the job at mothercare after the second interview which bummed me out for the rest of august. 


September

My cousin turned 30 and i went for my first ever carvery it was amazing i bought a candle that makes me hungry everytime i light it i saw a rainbow and matalan was the first shop to have their Christmas stuff online which made me very festive indeed (: 

October

I saw the best sunset that i think iv ever seen and yes that photo is unedited i bought another candle that didn't make me hungry when it was lit but didn't burn evenly so that made me annoyed lol. Ben and Jerry's finally brought the vegan ice cream to the uk and its amazing tastes exactly like normal ice cream and finally the new £10 came out and i didn't like them as they felt fake. (this is the content you came to read isn't it lol)

November 

 i had a interview at a supermarket little did i know that 2 weeks later i would get the message to say i got the job which i love  (: 26th November saw me have my induction with others and the 29th saw me start my first shift oh and it was bonfire night (: 

December 

Work was busy i was doing a lot of overtime. I started blogmas but failed this year due to many things it was Christmas which meant Christmas dinner (: 

This is my year round up hope you enjoyed reading it and i didn't bore you to much (: 

Happy New Year x

Becki x

Blogmas day Six - Reveal your tree

We have one tree in the living room (like most people) and i have one in my room which is Disney themed (:  

But I'm just going to show you my tree as the living room one isn't quite ready but you will see the tree in my upcoming how we decorated for Christmas's like This One i did (: 

All the baubles are from either Primark Poundland or the Disney Store (: 

The lights are battery powered and are from Sainsburys and they come with batteries which other stores don't normally do 

The tree itself is a 4ft tree and its from Homebase last year i believe it was £10 though just checking the website now it does say that its £8 so maybe it was or maybe they've lowered the price. 

So this is my tree it definitely looks better in the dark but that could just be due to the way i have put my tree up (i was very impatient) 

Feel free to tag me in your trees either on Instagram or Twitter (: 

Becki x

The Autumn Tag

Iv been searching for a good autumn tag to do for a while as most of them were about thanksgiving and since i live in the UK we don't celebrate thanksgiving i stumbled across this one from Makeup Savvy 

1. What Signifies the start of Autumn to you ? 

As soon as it hits September. I'm all about cosy blankets candles dairy free hot chocolate dark nights and leaves on the ground. 

2. What is your favourite Autumn scent ?

The only one that comes in to my mind right now is cranberry but to me that's a Christmas scent i could be very basic and say pumpkin but as much as i do like that sometime i cannot stand it depending on what its in.

3.What is your favourite Autumn colour ? 

I love red but it doesn't suit me at all ): same with yellow i blame my mum on that as those colours don't suit her either  

4. What is your favourite Autumn drink ?

I'm not a big fan off hot drinks mostly because since being lactose intolerant most hot chocolate has milk in ): even though Costa say their hot chocolate is dairy free their allergy page says different not sure about Starbucks as we have more Costa's then Starbucks in Sheffield. I do love hot peach juice that would be my hot drink of choice. 

5.What TV Show new or old are you looking forward to this Autumn ?

Big Bang Theory 

Fuller House

Red Dwarf 

The Middle

Chicago Med 

(I would put Chicago Fire but that's already on) 

6. What is your favourite Autumn fashion trend ?

I'm really not bothered about fashion trends my wardrobe consists of things i wear all year round (if you watch my youtube videos you'll off seen the extant of my wardrobe lol)

7. What is your favourite frugal Autumn activity ? 

Getting all cosy with blankets snacks and fairy lights and watching movies and I'm not ashamed to say that i watched my first Christmas movie of the year last night any guesses which one i watched ?? if you know me or read my blog then you should. I watched The Grinch (: if you got it right let me know. 

8. What is your favourite makeup look come Autumn ?

My eye makeup doesn't change that much through out the year it just gets darker in shade i wish i was more adventurous with my makeup i have blue eyes and i think bronze and red shades would look amazing but i just feel like if i tried to attempt anything other then my everyday eye makeup look it would just be a disaster. 

If you do do this tag please link it in the comments or tag me on Twitter and il read and comment on them (: 

Becki x 

Feeling Lost ....

This isn't going to be a upbeat post like normal and if you dont want to read this post then i totally understand.

Iv had this post in my drafts for a while and i keep adding things to it and never posting it until now.

As of late i feel lost and excluded from the YouTube world. 

My views are going down the only video that gets really good views is my primark hauls which i love but my bank doesn't.

Not only that the only friends i had within the YouTube community have now stopped making YouTube videos i feel like i dont fit in to any communities on YouTube and im all on my own. I see everyone making friends from YouTube and it sucks that im not apart of that.

Its the same with the blogging community i feel so lost im in a couple of whatsapp blog groups and i just feel that my responses get lost in the sea of people. The same with the blogging chats on twitter i feel my replies get dismissed. Everyone has there own friendship groups and even when i get let in i feel like im imposing and i eventually just fade out of the friendship (that maybe my anxiety)

Even with my closest friends i feel left out because i dont drink and all my other friends they've stopped inviting me out unless its to birthdays and even then i think its grudgingly as they know id be hurt if i wasn't invited and they've stopped inviting me on days out and i only get to see my best friend when we go to aqua zumba on a Tuesday. 

I know im lucky to have close friends and i shouldn't be for one of a better word bitching about how i only see my best friend once a week as i know some people dont have anyone.

I know all this is very minimal with everything else thats going on in the world i know that. I just think over time my anxiety has made me feel very lost with everything not just blogging YouTube and friends.

Sorry for the ramble post normal posts will be resumed next time (: 

Becki x

Music Faves - March

Its that time of the month again (no not that one lol) its music faves time again slightly late this month as iv just been overwhelmed with everything in my life so i took a step away from my blog and YouTube but I'm back now (: (not sure weather that's a good thing or not lol) but without further ado lets get in to the music (:







































All Time Low always picks me up when I'm stressed or worried or in a bad mood so there has been a lot off All Time Low listening this month this one more then others as i love the song and it just puts me in a good mood (:







































Carrying on with the ATL theme they released a new song this month and i love it (: its been on repeat none stop i cannot wait for the album to come out.

 out off all Loveable Rouges these two by far are my fave and they preformed them both when i saw them on tour which was amazing (: although i don't listen to them much anymore when they came on shuffle the other day they automatically put a smile on my face and i ended up listening to the whole album while drifting off to sleep.

Sometime last year i found Mallory Knox (i know so late) and i cannot get enough of them i love most of there songs (if you say you like all of a band/artist songs then i think your lying) and again as with Loveable Rouges i don't listen to them that often and this came on shuffle and it reminded me of how i used to listen to these none stop.


I'm loving doing these posts and i hope you are too I'm finding songs that i had forgotten about. Please let me know any song or band you think i should listen to and you never know they may have a place in my April music faves (: 

Becki x